Owning Cats Can Inflict Permanent Damage To Mental Health But Nobody Bothered To Warn Us.

1. We have entire conversations with them where we talk back to ourselves in the cat’s pretend voice

2. We’ve somehow accepted the fact that something’s going to be destroyed every time we come home

3. We trick ourselves into thinking they love picture time, even though photo evidence says otherwise

4. We let them to walk on our keyboards until the search history looks like it belongs to a crack addict

5. 80% of our phone’s pictures are of our cats, but we don’t upload them to facebook because everyone already thinks we’re nuts

6. We can’t suppress the urge to correct ignorant people who call the female cat “him” or the male cat “her”

7. We let ourselves be coerced into petting sessions due to this face

8. Which inevitably escalates to this

9. And we don’t stop until we’re allowed to

10. We feel deeply hurt when we actually want their affection.

11. We let them hunt every extremity on our body

12. We let them have whatever they want, even our own precious food

13. When we can’t get them to stop doing something bad, we just film it instead

14. We allow disgusting things to happen for absolutely no reason

15. We spend money on expensive cat toys, knowing they’ll only ever like strings

16. We feel deeply ashamed when the vet scolds us for overfeeding our cats

17. We tolerate the passive aggressive retaliation when we put them on a diet

18. But eventually, we learn to embrace our cats’ new look

19. We willingly clean an animal’s fecal matter

20. We’re more annoyed than scared when there’s a loud noise at 3 AM in the morning

21. But at least we don’t need an alarm clock anymore because 6 AM is when they decide to be fed

22. We allow them to make going to the bathroom a social activity

23. Mainly because keeping the doors closed leads to this:

24. We gladly accept the fact that every piece of clothing we wear is going to be covered with cat hair

25. We feel hopeless when we realize our cat isn’t interesting enough things to be famous on youtube

26. We simultaneously regret the decision to adopt a cat while desperately wanting more cats

27. We don’t get up when there’s a cat in our lap

28. We don’t sit down when there’s a cat in our chair

29. We try to explain to dog people why we love cats even though they’ll never understand

30. But we don’t need them

31. Because in the 1% of time they’re not being jerks, cats are the sweetest…

32. Cutest…

33. Funniest…

34. Neediest animals on the planet. Which is good, because we need them too 🙂