16 Things ALL College Students Say, And What They Actually Mean
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1. College Student: “I’m kind of tired. I think I’m going to stay in tonight.”
What they really mean: “I’m going to decide at the last possible second to go out. You’re only young once!”
2. College Student: “Let’s have a classy night.”
What they really mean: “Instead of drinking cheap beer, let’s splurge on $5 Andre.”
3. College Student: “I’m going to the library. I really need to do well on this exam tomorrow.”
What they really mean: “I need to go find a nice place where I can spend some time on Facebook and Tumblr without being interrupted.”
4. College Student: “I’m going to the gym to get in shape for spring break!”
What they really mean: “…but not before I finish this slice of pizza.”
5. College Student: “I’m going to get a head start on this assignment.”
What they really mean: “There is the slightest of chances that I may start this project before 10 p.m. the night before it is due.”
6. College Student: “No more embarrassing interactions with boys/girls for me!”
What they really mean: “Stay out ‘til I make out with one of the other straggling zombies at the bar!”
7. College Student: “I’m going to put some effort into my outfit today — I want to look nice!”
What they really mean: “The most difficult decision of my day will be choosing which pair of sweatpants to wear.”
8. College Student: “Just one more drink and then I’m headed home.”
What they really mean: “My friends and I are a drunken hurricane of destruction. Nothing can stop us from closing down the bar.”
9. College Student: “I think I want to write a senior thesis; it sounds challenging but rewarding.”
What they really mean: “I have a death wish.”
10. College Student: “I love my roommate!”
What they really mean: “I love my roommate, but sometimes I want to strangle them.”
11. College Student: “I’m totally going to participate more in class this semester.”
What they really mean: “It will be a miracle if I say one word in class this entire semester.”
12. College Student: “I’m going to do laundry.”
What they really mean: “I’ve been wearing the same pair of underwear three days straight.”
13. College Student: “I’m so over drama. I just want to have fun with my friends.”
What they really mean: “Tonight’s forecast calls for cloudy with a chance of batshit crazy.”
14. College Student: “I’m going to try some new activities. I want to be more involved with campus life.”
What they really mean: “Is there a varsity beer-chugging team?”
15. College Student: “Time to find a job! Maybe I should update my résumé?”
What they really mean: “Is Facebook a marketable skill? Twitter definitely is, right?”
16. College Student: “I never want to graduate!”
What they really mean: “But really, you can’t make me leave!”
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